so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize