Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
