I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
