i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
