Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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