I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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