i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
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it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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