What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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