He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
be right there i have to get my cape
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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