just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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