Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
