I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
