i think i have two assholes
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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