Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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