i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
