Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
