He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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