everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
