i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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