Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
