Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
