It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
