): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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