Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
