bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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