go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think I won the penis lottery.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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