Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
