okay pat passed out under dana's car
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm too high and old for this...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
