It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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