Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
