I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
