I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize