walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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