also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
