I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
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And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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