I have demons in me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
