Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
