Your dad touched me again.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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