i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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