My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
