I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
