that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
