really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
