I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
