3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
