My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
