I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
