I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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