I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
