I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
