So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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