you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
