Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
vagina is talking i cant
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
