dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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