remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
