Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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