is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
