my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
When are your genitals available?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
