Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
