now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
