I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
