Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
