Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
