I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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