i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
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turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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