the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
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Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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