sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
