my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
