I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
