sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
