Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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