my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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