I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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