I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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