Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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