I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
