Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
