I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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