she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
