Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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