you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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