shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
