I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he shaved USA in his pubs
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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